An Addict’s Love Song to Her Son
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
I am in a situation where I've been with my partner for over a decade. He told me that he loves women. I told him I love men. He told me he was not polyamorous but I always knew in the back of my mind that he probably was. I found out recently he's had over six affairs in the past six years. He claims it is just for variety and "fun" but that he loves spending most of his time with me. I am doing my best to accept this while trying to figure out if this lifestyle is what will ultimately bring us closer together. Any advice?
Posted by Kaye T. on August 1, 2010 at 10:21 AM · Report
45
I'm rather astounded at the degree of anger expressed by some of these comments, directed at MM. As I said in 41, I've been involved with a monogamous woman, who thought she could "tame" me.
It was a mistake on my part to try. I had told her that I had no intention in staying monogamous, but that one relationship "suited me for now". She took that and ran with it, eventually resorting to emotional manipulation to try to keep me with just her.
So I learned my lesson. Anyone I date needs to acknowledge my freedom to date others, just as much as I acknowledge their freedom to do likewise. If they don't use that freedom to actually do so, it's their choice.
MM does a very good job of pointing out one of the most common problems with a "mixed relationship" between monogamists and polyamorists. I, too, have never seen any such relationship persist for long.
Better to just "keep it within the tribe", IMO.
Posted by EarthyAngel on August 2, 2010 at 9:30 AM · Report
Unregistered Comment on August 2, 2010 at 9:56 AM46
47
@19: "And that isn't even getting into the can of worms that is poly people who insist that their partners be exclusive to them for whatever reason!"
The technical term for that kind of person is "fucking hypocrite."
(pun intended)
Posted by avast2006 on August 2, 2010 at 10:56 AM · Report
48
"Opened Commodore Perry–style" is my new favorite phrase. Could be repurposed for rape-play, even . . .
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
I am in a situation where I've been with my partner for over a decade. He told me that he loves women. I told him I love men. He told me he was not polyamorous but I always knew in the back of my mind that he probably was. I found out recently he's had over six affairs in the past six years. He claims it is just for variety and "fun" but that he loves spending most of his time with me. I am doing my best to accept this while trying to figure out if this lifestyle is what will ultimately bring us closer together. Any advice?
Posted by Kaye T. on August 1, 2010 at 10:21 AM · Report
45
I'm rather astounded at the degree of anger expressed by some of these comments, directed at MM. As I said in 41, I've been involved with a monogamous woman, who thought she could "tame" me.
It was a mistake on my part to try. I had told her that I had no intention in staying monogamous, but that one relationship "suited me for now". She took that and ran with it, eventually resorting to emotional manipulation to try to keep me with just her.
So I learned my lesson. Anyone I date needs to acknowledge my freedom to date others, just as much as I acknowledge their freedom to do likewise. If they don't use that freedom to actually do so, it's their choice.
MM does a very good job of pointing out one of the most common problems with a "mixed relationship" between monogamists and polyamorists. I, too, have never seen any such relationship persist for long.
Better to just "keep it within the tribe", IMO.
Posted by EarthyAngel on August 2, 2010 at 9:30 AM · Report
Unregistered Comment on August 2, 2010 at 9:56 AM46
47
@19: "And that isn't even getting into the can of worms that is poly people who insist that their partners be exclusive to them for whatever reason!"
The technical term for that kind of person is "fucking hypocrite."
(pun intended)
Posted by avast2006 on August 2, 2010 at 10:56 AM · Report
48
"Opened Commodore Perry–style" is my new favorite phrase. Could be repurposed for rape-play, even . . .